Christmas break has officially begun, and the excitement is in the air. There are so many fun activities to enjoy, family gatherings to coordinate, shopping to complete, and the house needs to be clean if you have any guests. Everyone wants that perfect “Hallmark Christmas.” While these are all good things, they can also create vulnerability in our systems, making the “most wonderful time of the year” feel like the most stressful time of the year.
A few insights about stress from Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD, are worth considering. Moderate, predictable, and controlled stress helps our systems move towards resilience, while prolonged, extreme, and unpredictable stress leads us toward vulnerability. I find it easier to understand this concept when I think of exercise. Someone looking to get into shape can avoid injury by following a structured workout routine that is limited in time or repetitions and occurs consistently. Our bodies need predictability, consistency, and moderate amounts of stress to grow and become stronger. Stress is not inherently bad; in fact, it’s necessary, but it requires structure and routine to be helpful in building muscle and strength.
So how does this relate to the holidays? We need to create predictability, moderation, and control around the stress of the holiday season as well! Here are a few strategies to help us establish predictability amid this exciting yet chaotic time:
- Your Schedule: Maintain some predictable aspects of your daily routine. We tend to let go of our bedtimes—for ourselves or our children. It’s okay to relax a little during break, but try to keep some predictability within 1-2 hours of your regular bedtime. We often think we can compromise our sleep and still be okay; however, sleep is critical for regulating our bodies—so protect your sleep routine!
- Boundaries: Some relationships can be tough to navigate, and not all family gatherings resemble a “Hallmark Christmas.” It’s imperative to establish and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself and your family. Family dynamics can be unpredictable, so how can we create some control or moderation? Consider limiting the amount of time you spend with family. Instead of spending hours or an entire day at a gathering, set a time limit for your visit. Communicate this in advance to help reduce any pushback when you leave a little earlier. You may also need to establish boundaries around discussion topics. This creates a layer of predictability, knowing certain subjects will be avoided. Then, have a plan in place if your request is not honored. For example, if a certain topic arises, I will __________ (remind them of your request to avoid this topic, change the subject, walk to another room, or, if needed, leave the gathering). While we cannot eliminate all stress from being around family, we can work to create some predictability and control in these situations.
- Let Go of Hallmark Expectations: Television has created unrealistic expectations for Christmas. During our Cookies at the Clinic with Santa event, we had a prime example. The horse-and-carriage ride was simply amazing—the weather was pleasant, and the lights shone brightly from the Christmas decorations on the lampposts. I remarked, “If we could just get some snow flurries, this would be a Hallmark moment.” While I intended to be funny, I also distracted us from enjoying the moment by wishing for something better. How often does this happen to us, robbing us of the joy of the present? Each year, we feel pressured to have the “best Christmas,” and with social media, we often compare ourselves to others’ highlight reels. “Oh, we should have done this,” or “Maybe it would have been better if we did that,” or “Look at their decorations!” Comparing ourselves to others steals so much joy and peace.
I wonder what would happen if we stopped watching others’ highlights and didn’t try to capture pictures for social media. What if we focused on connection, joy, and being present? What about gatherings where phones are not invited?
While we cannot eliminate all the stress of the holidays—and this blog does not address the significant issue of grief—this holiday season, focus on the small areas of predictability, control, and moderation. Your body and mind will thank you! (And in the process, you may also reduce the intensity of those meltdowns from the kids!)
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